This is my inner-child. I am 6 years old in this picture.
My little sister Monica (with pony-tails) is especially happy since its her 4 year old birthday this day.
Who is your inner-child?
Be kind to her/him.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Additional picture to my previous post: How to apply your decisions with less effort.
This is my inner-child. I am 6 years old in this picture.
My little sister Monica (with pony-tails) is especially happy since its her 4 year old birthday this day.
Who is your inner-child?
Be kind to her/him.
How to apply your decisions with less effort.
Today, we're going to get familiar with the most common mechanism behind
Procrastination, and how to deal with it.
A common reason for procrastination and self-sabotage when making a decision is often the result of a conflict taking place inside us between our inner-child and our ”inner-parent” that has not been taken care of. (Our so-called “inner-child” and ”inner-parent” are submerged personality-states of who we are. We all have both these sub-personalities.)
This unresolved state manifests itself in the following way.
You commit yourself to applying a decision you’ve made. For example, a behaviour that you want to change: But after some time passes by, you discover that you’ve been procrastinating.
You don’t place much worth and/or confidence on your personal ability to change.
A decision to change must be anchored in every aspect and depth of ourselves: It doesn’t help to tell yourself I “must” – nor do all the rational reasons in the world you can point to for making the change help.
It’s when, and only when your inner-child is a participant in the change-process that the risk of your continuing to procrastinate to the point of self-sabotage lessens.
1. Before you make a commitment to change, always ask yourself if this is something you really want to do.
2. Identify the key component or components that are more beneficial for you, both short term and long term, than the components that argue in favor of your continuing your behavior (they must, in fact, be more beneficial in order for you to really want to make a change) and write them down on a sheet of paper.
3. Make an action plan, if needed, and especially if it’s a major change. Then put your change into action.
4. If, despite these steps, you feel that you’re beginning to procrastinate in some way, then start to observe yourself and what kind of dialogue is going on in your mind between your inner-child and inner-parent.
Then take care of your inner-child by always being gentle towards yourself and by replacing an argumentative, demeaning inner-parent that may be present, with a gentle, empathic one who kindly reminds you of the change-benefits you have written down. And to really make the best of the situation, remember to always be gentle, in a respectful, non-condescending manner, to your inner-child ( = yourself). You can, for example, also reward yourself in different ways every time you make a progress that makes you happy, except, of course, a reward that betrays your purpose – smoking a cigarette, for example.
An insight into this process, and the use of these steps, can in many cases keep you committed to your change – and at the same time – significantly decrease the risk of procrastination.
Procrastination, and how to deal with it.
A common reason for procrastination and self-sabotage when making a decision is often the result of a conflict taking place inside us between our inner-child and our ”inner-parent” that has not been taken care of. (Our so-called “inner-child” and ”inner-parent” are submerged personality-states of who we are. We all have both these sub-personalities.)
This unresolved state manifests itself in the following way.
You commit yourself to applying a decision you’ve made. For example, a behaviour that you want to change: But after some time passes by, you discover that you’ve been procrastinating.
You don’t place much worth and/or confidence on your personal ability to change.
A decision to change must be anchored in every aspect and depth of ourselves: It doesn’t help to tell yourself I “must” – nor do all the rational reasons in the world you can point to for making the change help.
It’s when, and only when your inner-child is a participant in the change-process that the risk of your continuing to procrastinate to the point of self-sabotage lessens.
Let‘s take an example:
You made a commitment to stop smoking. Your ”inner-parent” starts to pressure you with arguments like: I have to quit … Everyone else seems to be doing it. Why should I be the only wimp? … I have to stop - All these medical studies prove a boatload of hideous connections between bad health and smoking – am I stupid ? !
As a consequence of being hard on yourself this way, your inner-child starts to
respond with another sort of reasoning.
First and foremost – it’s so good! It's way too good to stop completely – it’s probably enough if I just cut back a little bit. And let’s face it, I’m pretty stressed out right now – a cigarette would do me good. I don’t know why I even bother reading all these bad-news, research studies. I really don’t – they just get me upset. Eat, drink, and be merry! Isn’t that what they say? After all is said and done, I could die tomorrow.
The result of this sort of reasoning is that you sabotage your decision unconsciously, and start to procrastinate...
Why does this happen?
Well, your inner-child has taken over with a sort of false care and concern – a pretence of empathy. And because your ”inner-parent” is fully occupied with arguing and complaining about you, instead of giving your inner-child the kind of caring attention he or she needs, making this pretence of empathetic “support” can be, from your inner-child’s point, necessary.
So how can we solve this?
If you feel trapped in this process, here are some tips:
1. Before you make a commitment to change, always ask yourself if this is something you really want to do.
2. Identify the key component or components that are more beneficial for you, both short term and long term, than the components that argue in favor of your continuing your behavior (they must, in fact, be more beneficial in order for you to really want to make a change) and write them down on a sheet of paper.
3. Make an action plan, if needed, and especially if it’s a major change. Then put your change into action.
4. If, despite these steps, you feel that you’re beginning to procrastinate in some way, then start to observe yourself and what kind of dialogue is going on in your mind between your inner-child and inner-parent.
Then take care of your inner-child by always being gentle towards yourself and by replacing an argumentative, demeaning inner-parent that may be present, with a gentle, empathic one who kindly reminds you of the change-benefits you have written down. And to really make the best of the situation, remember to always be gentle, in a respectful, non-condescending manner, to your inner-child ( = yourself). You can, for example, also reward yourself in different ways every time you make a progress that makes you happy, except, of course, a reward that betrays your purpose – smoking a cigarette, for example.
An insight into this process, and the use of these steps, can in many cases keep you committed to your change – and at the same time – significantly decrease the risk of procrastination.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
What is self-esteem about?
Self-esteem gives us, among other things, the highly satisfying ability to make the most out of our potential through our unique gifts.
So making use of our true potential through our unique gifts is a consequence of self-esteem. Looked at in this way, self-esteem is the cause and making use of our true potential is the effect.
This leads us to the law of cause and effect, which states that cause and effect are one and the same. This implies that we can approach the nature of the cause by studying its effect - since they are identical.
So one good way to find more self-esteem is to make ourselves aware of what we are good at, and of the many positive characteristics/abilities we, in fact, possess.
Here is an action exercise:
Every evening, write down three things that you did well during your day and which of your personal characteristics/abilities came into use in each instance.
For example: I’ve been square-dancing for several years. Today, just two hours before my dance course was scheduled to start, my friend, who also happens to be the dance teacher, became sick and I was asked to fill in, despite the fact that I’d never taught before. I took on the challenge, even though I was nervous and worried that I wouldn’t succeed in that role. But when I was well into the lesson I discovered that it was actually fun, and most gratifying of all, it was working fantastically well. Many students assumed I’d been a teacher for several years!
I was brave and willing when I stood-in for my friend on such short notice, despite my very real “stage fright.” Incredibly enough, according to my students – I was even “unusually” pedagogic.
Another instance: Today, I brought together two colleagues of mine who hadn’t met each other before. But I was nonetheless convinced they could solve each others work-related problems, and they did. I discovered that I have an ability to effectively connect people with each other. I was brave, creative and, at the same time, humble. .
Find three things to write down every day, it doesn't matter if they are big or small, or somewhere in between – and write them down at the end of your day for two weeks, and start to experience the positive effect it has on your self-esteem.
The law of cause and effect is eternal and always in play.
To your success,
Julia
So making use of our true potential through our unique gifts is a consequence of self-esteem. Looked at in this way, self-esteem is the cause and making use of our true potential is the effect.
This leads us to the law of cause and effect, which states that cause and effect are one and the same. This implies that we can approach the nature of the cause by studying its effect - since they are identical.
So one good way to find more self-esteem is to make ourselves aware of what we are good at, and of the many positive characteristics/abilities we, in fact, possess.
Here is an action exercise:
Every evening, write down three things that you did well during your day and which of your personal characteristics/abilities came into use in each instance.
For example: I’ve been square-dancing for several years. Today, just two hours before my dance course was scheduled to start, my friend, who also happens to be the dance teacher, became sick and I was asked to fill in, despite the fact that I’d never taught before. I took on the challenge, even though I was nervous and worried that I wouldn’t succeed in that role. But when I was well into the lesson I discovered that it was actually fun, and most gratifying of all, it was working fantastically well. Many students assumed I’d been a teacher for several years!
I was brave and willing when I stood-in for my friend on such short notice, despite my very real “stage fright.” Incredibly enough, according to my students – I was even “unusually” pedagogic.
Another instance: Today, I brought together two colleagues of mine who hadn’t met each other before. But I was nonetheless convinced they could solve each others work-related problems, and they did. I discovered that I have an ability to effectively connect people with each other. I was brave, creative and, at the same time, humble. .
Find three things to write down every day, it doesn't matter if they are big or small, or somewhere in between – and write them down at the end of your day for two weeks, and start to experience the positive effect it has on your self-esteem.
The law of cause and effect is eternal and always in play.
To your success,
Julia
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